3 Questions to Ask Yourself before seeking Baby Sleep Advice

This post was written by our resident sleep expert Helen from My Baby Sleeps.

Weird title for a blog from a baby sleep consultant hey?!

There’s a reason… bear with me.

Now you may have well meaning friends, mothers, mothers-in-law (!), who give you lots of advice. Solicited, unsolicited it doesn’t matter (and let’s face it, most is unsolicited isn’t it?!). Also, there are people like me, Sleep Consultants, who work and practice may different approaches.

Let me tell you why you don’t need to listen to any of these people (and yes that includes me!).

I have a working philosophy, called my Rule of Three, and it describes the preceding questions you need to think about, which mean that you can ignore anyone and everyone in regards to sleep advice.

With the rule of three – ask yourself the following questions (and REALLY think about them).

1. Is your baby sleeping safely?

Safety is the number one priority. Safe sleeping is such an important topic. There are sadly too many examples of un-safe sleeping and tragic outcomes out there that make this my number one topic. If you aren’t sure, check out the Lullaby Trust in the UK, AAP in the US, or whoever is your country leading expert on the topic. There are many families, who no fault of their own, have items such as cot bumpers, loose blankets, sleep positioners and cuddly toys in young babies cots when sleeping unsupervised, which are unsafe. Safe sleeping can also include co-sleeping in a parent’s bed. Check out online guidance if this is your preferred way to sleep to explore safe ways to do this.

2. Is your baby healthy and growing well?

There are numerous reasons why underlying health issues can affect your babies sleep. This could range from common short term issues such as teething or a cold, issues such as milk intolerance or allergies, or other serious health matters. Any sleep advice should always come second to resolving / managing any health issue, otherwise its unlikely to make any sustained level of difference. Sleep changes won’t have any effect if the underlying cause isn’t addressed first. Most sleep advice and research out there is based on healthy babies who are growing well, putting on weight well and are tracking against all the medically advised standards.

3. Are you happy with how and when baby sleep is happening in your house?

This is the hardest one to think about, and I encourage you to really stop and THINK about this. Yes, your best friend / neighbour / sister may have a baby that sleeps 12 hours from 4 weeks old (and to be honest, they are probably fibbing….), but that doesn’t mean yours will, or ‘has’ to. News flash – your baby isn’t broken if they wake several times in the night. Try not to think about the number of wakings, but more about the meaning you are putting to this. For example, if your underlying assumption is ‘my baby SHOULDN’T be waking this many times in the night’, ask yourself where is this coming from? Who said so? Babies are unique, there is no ‘should’, or ‘shouldn’t’. Some parents are happy with 3 or 4 wake ups per night, regardless of age. Some are not. And both opinions are OK.

Try not to get into a trap of thinking that you or your baby are doing something ‘wrong’ if they wake. If you are happy with how sleep happens in your house, then this is your prerogative. No one can tell you otherwise. It’s up to YOU to decide what YOU are happy with and what is right for YOUR baby; and what is realistic. Often, this point is a breakthrough when talking to first time parents who haven’t previously had a lot of baby experience. There is often an underlying assumption that once their baby is x number of months old, they SHOULD be sleeping through the night because of an underlying assumption / expectation that was picked up from somewhere.

Mental health of the parent is a significant part of this point. If you believe you may be suffering for any reason, then it is really important to speak to your GP to get some help. Put your own oxygen mask on first PLEASE!

So, have a think about what you are ultimately happy with it will empower you to decide what works best for your family as a whole. As with all change, you need to have your ‘why’ clear in order to be motivated to change. If your ‘why’ is because of an underlying assumption about baby sleep that was given to you by some external source (thanks mum…not!), then it’s time to look at this and work out what really works for your family.

Rule of Three

Back to the rule of three. If you can ask and answer YES to all three questions, then remember its YOUR baby, YOUR family, YOUR decision. Decide wherever, however and whenever you and your baby sleep. Sleep on the ceiling, who cares, its no-one else’s business.

IF on the other hand, any of these questions are a NO, then you know where to start to look for more information and to explore this point further.

In the spirit of respectful parenting, its completely up to you if you agree or disagree; we are all trying to do our best for our little ones!

All the best for your sleep journey,

Lots of love,

Helen

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Do you have a little sleep thief? Or have you struck gold with a “sleeper”?  Baby sleep expert Helen talks more about sleep here. 

Photo Credits: Claire Westaway Photography