Anxiety in Pregnancy; Alexis’ Story
Midwife and mum of three Alexis describes her third pregnancy and birth. Alexis talks about her struggles with depression and anxiety in pregnancy. She describes seeking support for her mental health and how she had a calm birth to welcome her baby boy.
I have now experienced 3 incredible births. All completely different but all overwhelmingly joyous. Without a doubt the 3 best days of my life. I was thinking about which birth to talk about for this blog, and decided that as it was World Mental Health Day this week, I would discuss my 3rd pregnancy and birth.
My Third Pregnancy
My 3rd pregnancy began as usual. Dan (my husband) and I had a suspicion and as I was a bridesmaid at my cousins wedding (where there was an open bar) we thought we should check and there they were. Two faint pink lines, the very start of Wilfred’s life. We were over the moon as always planned for three.
Anxiety in Pregnancy
The pregnancy continued as usual until week 22 when I started feeling very anxious for no reason. As the days went on I found myself obsessing about the mortality of my family. I’d lost my beloved dad to cancer 6 years prior to this pregnancy. The image of him ill at the end of his life just kept replaying. I was constantly thinking my husband or other 2 children were going to get dangerously ill as well and I could do nothing about it. I felt in fear constantly that I was going crazy and could not sit still or sleep or eat for worry.
The whole experience was hideous.
Dan said it was like I’d become a ghost. The midwife in me knew that something was seriously wrong and I decided I needed help.
Contacting MY Midwife
I contacted my midwife and she referred me to the mental health team to be assessed. I was diagnosed with antenatal anxiety and depression. It all suddenly made sense. We did not know why pregnancy had triggered this, my first two pregnancies had been plain sailing. It may have been chemical or hormonal but for whatever reason my adrenaline levels where sky high. I saw a private therapist and started a CBT course. It’s a long story but in short after 12 weeks and a heap of amazing support I was climbing out of that dark frightening hole. The rest of my pregnancy was as normal with check ins with the mental health team.
My Birth Story
On my due date, the 7th of April 2016, I went into labour, gently and calmly. I had no fear at all, I just felt love and joy for the arrival of this baby that had already been through so much with me. I had a beautiful water birth an hour and a half after presenting at the hospital and I cried my eyes out at the love I instantly felt after the hideous antenatal anxiety and depression I had experienced. Wilfred is a total joy and I’m so blessed to have him in my life.
Alexis is the co-author of ‘The little book of self-care for new mums‘ and ‘The little book of self-care for mums to be‘.
If you are struggling with anxiety in pregnancy (or postnatally) please do reach out to your midwife or GP, you are not alone. For a dad’s perspective on postnatal mental health struggles, take a look at Breaking Dad from dad of one Will.
