How to Share Your IVF Experience with Loved Ones and New Connections
This is a guest article on IVF and sharing your journey with loved ones was written by Rosie Buckley from contentncoffee.com. Rosie is a freelance writer with a passion for covering topics surrounding women’s health and fertility.
Sharing your fertility journey can create opportunities like educating others and can give you a support network. When discussing your experiences, having boundaries can help you decide on your level of comfort.
Preparing to Share
If your friends and family don’t know that you’re getting fertility treatment, then they can’t be there to help. Sharing allows the people in your life to support you, especially with any anxiety. If people know what’s going on, this can also stop uncomfortable situations from arising. For example, someone might be offended if you decline an invitation to their baby shower without a reason. If they know you’re getting IVF, this can make everything easier. This being said, you can share as much or as little as you’d like. This is your personal journey, nobody else’s. Discuss with your partner what you’re both prepared to share with people. Together, you can decide on your boundaries and what you feel safe telling others. This might be that you don’t want to talk about procedures in detail. Or it could be that you don’t want to talk about IVF for more than 15 minutes each day.
Finding IVF Support and Building Awareness
If people in your life know you’re getting IVF and are aware of your boundaries, then you’ll have a support network around you. Let people know exactly what they can do to support you. This could be that you need more space than usual, or that you’d like to meet up with friends more often if they can. On days where you feel anxious, knowing that you have support can make things a little easier.
Some people may find it difficult to support you if they don’t know what IVF is. You can use your story to educate others so they can understand your struggles. Many people ask the question of, who is IVF for? This can be a great starting point to explain that it’s a fertility treatment. You can give more of an explanation by explaining how a women’s egg is fertilised in a lab and then returned to the womb so the baby can develop and grow. You don’t have to go into lots of detail, but an overview is useful for those who are confused.
How to Start the Conversation
First, decide who you want to have conversations with. Some people would rather discuss their journey with a small number of close connections. Others post it on social media and share their journey for anyone to see. How you start a conversation might depend on who
you’re talking to. With older family members, discussing things like sperm and eggs can feel awkward. You may choose to give more of an overview rather than going into detail. You could simply say, “we’re struggling to get pregnant, so we’re now getting professional help.”
For closer friends, you may feel comfortable going into more detail about IVF and specific procedures. Remember your boundaries and that you don’t need to tell everyone everything if you don’t want to.
Anticipating Reactions
People will have all sorts of questions to ask. This might be because they’re curious and want to find out more. Remember your boundaries and discuss with your partner if there’s anything you don’t want others knowing about. If you have prepared answers, this can help you feel more comfortable when having IVF related conversations. Something like “thanks for asking, but I’d rather not get into it” politely declines a chat. This could simply be because you’re not up for talking about it. IVF is a journey full of emotions, and some days you may feel like you’d rather avoid the subject.
Unfortunately, some people may have unsolicited advice. Phrases like “try not to think about it” or “you should adopt instead” can be really unhelpful. Some people can be judgemental towards IVF as well because they don’t know enough about it. Try to educate anyone like this as best you can by providing statistics and information. If they’re unwilling to learn, don’t put pressure on yourself to keep trying to convince them.
Sharing with New Connections
With newer connections, you may be unsure of when to disclose your journey. Some individuals choose to do this when they reach important milestones. Others are happy to share everything. With newer friends, it can be easy to worry about judgement. If you trust your new connections, this can help. Telling them can create the opportunity to have a wider support network. If you’re sharing your journey on social media, this could be helpful for other people who are going through fertility treatment. However, only do this if you’re comfortable.
Good luck with telling people about your IVF treatment! Remember that this is your personal journey. Don’t feel pressured to share more than you want to.
