Questions about having twins
Got questions about having twins? If you are twin mama-to-be, you likely have lots of questions about the TWO little bundles of love. I got you. Twin mama and Clinical Psychologist Justine Davenport has written this handy guide of FAQs that you may have. A “twins 101” if you like of the questions you may have whilst awaiting the arrival of your twins.
Can my twins sleep in the same cot?
Yes. In the early days, when your multiples are small it is fine (if not encouraged) for them to sleep in the same cot. On the Twins Trust website there is a leaflet that can show you how to do this safely. For our girls they were much more settled generally when they were lying together. They slept very well together from early on. We started the girls off swaddled, in a travel cot, on the ground floor for their daytime naps. Then a travel cot upstairs in our room for night-time, side by side. We used travel cots on different floors so we could pop them up and down if we needed to. The babies were then safe from our toddler and we knew we could use these in the future when we travel.
As the girls got bigger and were no longer swaddled we moved them into sleeping bags and placed them top to toe. Then finally, as they reached around 3 months we moved them into their own “next-to-me” cots for sleep until they moved out of our room around 6 months.
How do I settle two babies’ when they’re both crying?
One of the hardest parts of being a twin mum is being pulled in different directions and never feeling you give each child as much physical attention as you would like. From day 1 we fed 3-hourly. We focused on ensuring each baby was well fed and well winded. They would then be swaddled, cuddled and calmly put down to sleep in their cot with white noise, awake. We would use a “shush” approach by gently shushing and placing our hand on their chest if they appeared unsettled. We would only pick them up if they appeared distressed or uncomfortable, which they rarely did.
Through this approach they learnt to self settle very early on. We have continued to support the girls to self-settle but babies being babies there are many nap and bed times where I end up with two crying and unsettled babies. To attempt to manage this there are a few things I try. We have a hologram globe with stars in their bedroom which I tend to pop on if they are both really upset which sometimes calms them and relaxes them. I will hold one baby and rock them gently whilst the other watches the stars.
Alternatively, I put lullaby music on to “reset” the situation and interrupt the crying. As they have got older I will also give them a sensory toy to hold in their cot so that they can remain calm until they are sleepy. I will rarely leave them both to cry out but there are days where nothing works and I pick one baby up whilst the other cries, then swap over as quickly as possible. It is incredibly difficult, not only physically (picking up two babies and rocking them every single nap time) but emotionally.
Looking after myself too
When I notice myself becoming upset or frustrated I leave the room and do some slow, controlled breathing. If their upset lasts more than 10 minutes after trying all my tricks, I will draw a line under the cot nap, pop them into the pram and go for a walk. We use a portable white noise machine and a snoozeshade to create some dark. If they fall asleep it’s a bonus but if they don’t I ride it out until the next nap time. Usually the fresh air does us all a world of good.
It is so important to acknowledge there will be bad days, nights, weeks and phases where your twins will not settle themselves easily. There will be lots of tears from babies and adults! However, my advice would be to choose an approach to follow and try and stick to it consistently. This can be tweaked as time goes on and reviewed as they reach each stage of development, but generally you know, your babies know, and anyone else who helps you knows, how you approach their nap and bedtimes to create consistency.
Do I need two of everything you would need for one baby?
Simple answer – no, and especially not in the first couple of months. The obvious things you need two of are car seats if you are having babies at hospital to bring them home in. I also had two swaddles, some bottles (although you may want to try a few different ones out when they arrive), two travel cots (for the different floors), a double feeding pillow, two hot water flasks (to keep on each floor and fill between feeds in case they suddenly needed a feed and the kettle wasn’t boiled), two changing stations on each floor and the rest of the bits such as cots and bouncy seats etc, I bought after their arrival once I knew what I needed.
Even with baby baths we only used one when the girls were first brought home, bathing each baby one after another to ensure they were well supported and washed carefully. I would say as tempting as it is to buy everything in Mama & Papas x 2, for the sake of your sanity and bank balance hold back on the buying until they arrive home and then slowly build things as you go. Facebook marketplace is a twin mum’s dream as it has so many items on it that you can then sell on yourself after you have finished using them. There are also local twin mum groups who are always selling things off for reasonable prices.
How do I feed/wind 2 babies at the same time?
I will caveat this question by saying I have never BF my girls and so I can’t speak for twin mums who choose to BF. For us, to begin with we used a double feeding pillow feeding both babies at the same, then as the girls grew (around 3 months) we would sit them in a bouncer seat and feed them sat on the edge of the sofa. The girls were so tiny when they were born that feeding was incredibly slow (often taking up to an hour for 2-3 ounces) so we would burp/wind them every 10-15 minutes alternating between babies. This would allow them to take on a bit more feed but also keep them awake as they would often fall asleep whilst feeding.
I would take your time with learning how to feed your twins. It feels so awkward, clunky and uncomfortable at first – a very different experience to just feeding one baby. So take it feed by feed and work out what works for you and your twins.
What should I do if one baby wakes up from a nap and the other is still sleeping?
This depends very much on how far into their nap they are. Assuming both babies have had a pretty good nap we would probably take advantage of having five minutes where we can give just a baby some one-on-one time. Then we would likely wake up baby number two to keep them on the same schedule as much as possible.
If they are too early in their nap, then we would try to re-settle them as quickly as possible so as not to disturb baby number two. This can be quite tricky to balance, so usually we trust our intuition, and if we don’t feel they will go back off after 10 minutes of cuddles and rocking then we will get them up and cut the second babies nap a bit short. This helps us keep them on a similar schedule.
What are the key things I need to leave the house with twins?
Firstly, ensure you have a large, robust changing bag – we actually just use a backpack as a changing bag as it was a fraction of the price of a changing bag and had more capacity. We always have nappies, wipes, a muslin, bibs x 2, ready made formula, bottles x 2, spare onsies x 2, a spare baby food pouch and spoon, baby snacks, a water bottle for babies and me, a spare bank card as I am forever forgetting my wallet and a spare house key. We have a rule that each time someone takes the bag out they have to re-stock it once they get in – then you can always pick it up the next time you need it knowing it has all the essentials.
What sorts of requirements do I need in a public place eg. a cafe to make it accessible with twins?
So, this is a biggy! I never even considered before I had twins that there might be places I actually can’t go with them. However, depending on the size of your double buggy it may not fit through the door frame of some shops or cafes! Who knew? We have an out n about which does fit through single doorframes fairly easily, however, if there are steps the other side of that door, or if it leads to a tight corridor, or a small space with lots of people you may well find yourself stuck.
A double buggy doesn’t turn or manoeuvre in the same way a single one does. And if you find yourself in a small space you can’t just whip your baby out and fold it up like a single, because A) the pram is much heavier and bulkier and B) you have two babies to carry! Even when you do make it in places, cafes in particular don’t always have space to park up a double buggy or be able to use 2 high chairs at the same table and you often feel as though you are taking up a lot of space.
I am no shrinking violet when it comes to speaking up, asserting myself and asking for help, but in all honesty sometimes even the kindest of people who try to accommodate cannot create more space for you all to fit. So, therefore, I simply avoid certain places for now to keep things easy. Perhaps if you are still pregnant you can scope out a few spacey places, with a lift if there’s stairs, wide parking and helpful staff so that you feel confident and comfortable taking your babies there.
Baby groups and twins
On this note, I should also mention baby groups. Baby groups are such a lovely opportunity to meet other fellow sleep deprived mums where you can moan about the lack of sleep, the lack of time for any self-care, but also show off your beautiful babies. However, having attended baby groups with my son and now attempting to do so with my twins it is a very different experience. Firstly, the cost is often double (or there is a small discount) and then juggling two babies in these settings is hard going.
I was at a group recently where a simple activity was “pick your baby up and dance around to the music”. Well picking two babies up off the floor and then dancing holding them both is practically a gym session and not particularly enjoyable for any of you involved. Despite this, I have attended some groups to socialise the girls, but I have been picky with what works for us and when I have needed to, I have asked the lead of the group to help me out with holding a baby during some of the activities. We do have a local twin group in our area and so this is something I would feel much more comfortable attending.
How do I keep on top of anything else other than looking after two babies?
Yep, good question, and one I am still trying desperately to figure out. I found in the first 8-12 weeks reducing my expectations of cooking and cleaning was easy to do – I had just had two babies, right?! However, as time has gone on I have found greater expectations creeping in and a desire to have things around the house as they had been before my girls arrived. This is near on impossible as when they are awake there is no real scope to get anything done. I try my best to make the most of their nap times but I always allow myself a little bit of downtime.
I also keep a working list on my phone of things I want to achieve day to day. Each evening I will choose 1 or two of these items to complete the next day. For example, today it was rearranging a post office delivery and spend 20 mins on this blog! I will also leave one bigger task to the end of the day when all the kids are asleep – so today is to get a couple of washes on. I never get what I want to do done, but then if I don’t, I pop it back on the list for tomorrow. It never ends!
However, being at peace with the fact it never ends helps me immensely. If I thought I should be on top of everything all the time I would be bitterly disappointed in myself and incredibly frustrated with my children. So, therefore, I try my hardest to acknowledge they wont always be tiny, they wont always take up all my free time, and so for now, whilst they do, the cleaning can wait.
Are twins twice as hard as looking after one baby?
This is going to be so personal to each twin Mummy/Daddy/carer and I only represent my own experiences. I think my answer would be yes, it is harder, but not as hard as you might think. Yes, it is incredibly difficult responding to two babies needs at once. There is a lot more organisation and preparation required than there is for one baby. Yes, it is exhausting and at times incredibly overwhelming (particularly when they tag team waking up throughout the night). However, if you try and stick to a routine that works for you, recruit as much help and support from friends and family as you can, manage your expectations so that you are reducing any unnecessary pressure, and take each day and night as it comes, things can be manageable – and at times rather enjoyable.
I absolutely love being a twin Mummy. I always loved being a Mum to my son, but being a twin Mum is just so incredibly special. As time goes on and you all find your feet, it will feel as though those two babies were always here.
If you can take long slow deep breaths at the beginning and end of each day and remind yourself you grew two babies, you birthed two babies and now you are deeply and unconditionally loving and caring for two babies you will realise just how incredible you really are!
Did you do any birth prep with twins?
As I already have a 2-year-old son I had already completed my Bump to Baby antenatal course. I felt very well equipped generally for what to expect during pregnancy, birth and the post-natal phase. However, finding out we were having twins I felt I needed a little more specific information to enhance my knowledge for identical twins. To do so I spoke at length to my consultant who I was seeing once a month about birth options, and I did lots of research on the Twins Trust website.
We attended a twin’s trust group for parents across the country who were expecting twins and already had a toddler. This was invaluable in those early days of having the girls and we still regularly chat on what’s app now. As I had an emergency C-Section with my son and both girls were breech at 34 weeks, it was agreed that a planned c-section at 36 weeks would be carried out. Any questions I had about the section I would write down prior to my consultant appointment (you don’t get long with them). I revisited the hypnobirthing information from Bump to Baby to prepare me for the process. For me, positive affirmations as I got heavier and more uncomfortable were imperative. How to do slow controlled breaths, how to advocate for myself and my babies, and what to expect in the operating room.
These were all things I felt I needed to know to best prepare myself for the birth process. Armed with this knowledge and with unconditional love and support from my husband, I can honestly say my birth was one of the most incredible experiences I had ever had. One female body producing two female babies – who runs the world?
