Why do I feel low after stopping breastfeeding? Depression and Anxiety after weaning.

Many women report they feel low after stopping breastfeeding, and yet it doesn’t seem to be that spoken about. Cranial Osteopath Olivia Unwin noticed she was very low after she abruptly stopped breastfeeding her second baby. She also anecdotally noticed this with many women coming to see her in clinic. Olivia decided to do some digging into the reasons, and here she shares her experience.

I had always planned to finish breastfeeding my daughter when she turned one. That’s when I would up my work hours. You’re always treading that balance between serving your child’s needs and your sanity! So, one year was what felt good for me.

Journey to Weaning

I felt pretty wistful but fine about the whole thing. We were going on holiday and I had planned to start gently spending around a month, maybe more if she needed, weaning her off the boob.

Then she bit half my nipple off.

We were abroad in a country where, had I gone to a doctor they would have given me nuclear amounts of penicillin which I knew I’d have a reaction to. So I left it. Quickly it got infected and despite my best efforts to bite down on objects and just take the pain when I fed her…I couldn’t.  My left breast had given up for no apparent reason when my daughter was 10 months so I relied solely on my right boob to feed her.

That was it. I just had to stop almost overnight. My husband was amazing. He stayed up most of the night bottle feeding her and comforting her whilst she adapted to her new normal. I managed to clear the infection myself and miraculously didn’t get any blocked ducts. I thought it was sad it had ended that way but that was that.

Then “it” hit me

Then about 2 weeks later ‘it’ hit me. Tears, feeling angry all the time, not talking to anyone outside of work and CONSTANT anxiety. I didn’t expect to feel low or anxious after stopping breastfeeding.

I didn’t realise anything was wrong because I didn’t have the mental space or consciousness to realise anything was wrong. Everything was numb and I thought I didn’t have anything to be sad about.  I love my job. I have a lovely family and great friends. My daughters were fine….but there “it” was.

My husband was the first to point out, things couldn’t continue in this way. I think he was the only person I allowed to see me as I really was because I had, without realising, isolated myself from everybody.

Having someone point out something is wrong in these moments is so important. When you’re parenting you sort of exist in and for your children…it’s not unusual to become a ghost to yourself in those early years.  I think many of us can relate to the moment we catch ourselves in the mirror or suddenly see a photo of ourselves in the postpartum years and you think,

WTF?! How  are there wrinkles under my chin and why do my boobs look like potatoes in the bottom of a netted shopping bag?!”

Perhaps this is a personal reflection.

But I think the same thing happens emotionally, spiritually, if you will. We no longer see ourselves. So when postpartum depression or post weaning depression strike we don’t even realise it’s there.

Turning to Dr Google

Once I was enlightened to what was going on I obviously googled it. Nothing. Nada.  The only sited (that means checked by professionals and scientists not mumsnet echo chambers) info on the subject was when there were extreme circumstances around the stopping, such as to begin chemo. I honestly couldn’t believe it. I KNOW I am not the only women to go through this so why the silence?  The same story as always. We’re not talking about it because it is frightening to be vulnerable and put your emotions out there.

Once you’re a mother it feels like there isn’t time or space for cracks. You have to constantly, consistently hold it together. Which Ironically you cannot do if you’re having an emotional mental breakdown that you’re not dealing with.

So I just looked at the science and applied it to the matter as I would do at work.

The science behind feeling low after stopping breastfeeding

When we finish breast feeding our oxytocin and prolactin levels drop. Oxytocin is the ‘love’ hormone so essential for conception, pregnancy, labour, breast feeding…the lot basically. Prolactin, whilst primarily is in charge of milk production also enhances feelings of calm. If you wean a baby off the boob slowly you also wean yourself off these hormones, which let’s face it, are pretty essential to you when you get 3 hour blocks of sleep, no personal space and live off coffee and bits of dried cereal and raisins your toddler leaves around the house.

If for some reason these hormones are ripped from your brain and body…. Well, it doesn’t generally go so well.  Same as any mood enhancing drug I guess.

My experience as an Osteopath

I saw a mother in clinic just this week who had a baby with a tongue tie that she had desperately been trying to breast feed until she was given a frenotomy (cut the tongue tie) appointment (it was 6 week wait). Sadly, despite her determination she couldn’t cope with the pain and felt it was affecting her ability to bond with her baby. She switched to formula straight away and mentally dropped over a cliff edge.

I meet women like this daily and I think they are told they are anxious because they are tired or maybe that they have postpartum depression but I really think this discounts and devalues what it is to stop breast feeding. That one sentence covers so much. From the mother who might have a cancer diagnosis and need to suddenly stop, to the mother that stopped breast feeding her 5 year old and can’t get to grips with the loss and emptiness she feels about that.

What can help if you feel low after stopping breastfeeding?

If you feel low after stopping breastfeeding, it is important to remember you are not alone. You can of course see your GP, midwife or health visitor and discuss this with them. There are many appropriate medications that can help ease the brain off those powerful feel-good hormones.

You may also need to consider counselling or at least talking to friends and family….(or in my case the internet!) about it. I can promise you if you want to continue breast feeding but feel you can’t because of feeding issues there IS a solution; don’t give up looking for help. See your midwife, health visitor, a lactation councillor, a cranial osteopath. Listen to podcast’s on the subject, go to a mother and baby group and see who they saw for help.  There is help available, but you do need to ask for it!

Let’s start this conversation and acknowledge this major event in a woman’s and baby’s life because silence is getting us no where.

Olivia is a mum of two and works from her practice in Cheltenham. Olivia has a special interest in paediatrics and contributed to The Baby Chapter course, covering topics including reflux and maternal stress.

📸 Jamie and Kit taken by Claire Westaway Photography